This past year, the University of North Dakota hockey program constructed a 1,400-square-foot altitude chamber. According to the Grand Forks Herald, “UND’s staff will close the doors, turn up the altitude to 9,000 feet and allow the players to train at altitude — much like the U.S. Olympic teams do by putting their training facility in Colorado Springs.”
The move targets their primary conference rival, The University of Denver.
Denver hockey, for their part, countered the Fighting Hawk move by simulating Ralph Englestad Arena demographics to create game-like conditions for team practices at Magness Arena. The team plays the Fighting Hawks in Grand Forks this Friday at 6:30 pm MT.
Denver hockey dispatches three buses two hours before practice and works with truant officers and retired police to send two of the buses to sweep downtown Denver for drunks. A third bus works with Denver Public Schools to identify high school students over the age of 24. The buses return to campus and the participants line Magness Arena’s lower bowl.
“Practice feels like we’re actually in Grand Forks,” said one program source. ‘“Our maintenance department even has to clean up puke – I guess that is why they call Englestad Arena ‘The Ralph’.”
Argus security personnel attend every practice to restore order when things get out of hand. The Director of Stadium Security stated, “We had to stop our simulated crowd from yelling ‘Let’s go Sioux’ after a working woman named Suzie took the chant literally.” Generally, most practices have gone without incident.
There is still room to improve game readiness. Said one of the program’s hockey insiders, “It’s tough to simulate Ralph Englested Arena – we need four more buses and twice as many drunks.”
Sticks up!
Come on guys! Be nice
Why???
Good job Reid. THIS is nuanced satire, not the weak effort you wrote on Omaha. Go Pios!
As a UND Alum and fan, I gotta hand it to you great article.
Funny stuff! Except the reality is, that there’s about 12 buses running shuttles just from local watering holes, so maybe next year you have something to build on to try to fill Magness entirely for practices – like UND alumni do when these guys actually come to D Town.
Love it! Let’s Go Hawks!!!
I knew this was fake news the minute I heard 3 busses. Thats way more than any DU home game would have!
🤣💚🤣
Sioux yeah yeah!
Yeah Sioux Sioux
Ironically, this isnt insulting to the tried and true UND fan. Badge of honor lol. Too funny.
So what you’re saying is DU doesn’t have many fans and the ones you do have are boring. Go Sioux!
Hilarious actually , from a North Dakota guy….
Best one I’ve read in a while…nice job. Go Sioux!
GO PIOS!
You should try to simulate a home game @ Magness, where over half the crowd isn’t wearing Green! 😉
Pretty funny article, I like it, it adds to the rivalry. The sad part is 3 bus loads of fans is typical attendance at Magnus,.. LOL… 🙂
I guess when the real story is Denver can’t hang with UND, they have to just make stuff up.
Funny how UND has used structure and discipline to beat DU’s more skilled players 3 out of 4 games this year. Feel free to enter the transfer portal DU boys!
I might be the one that needs ‘hair of the dog’ today – and I’m not talking about UND girl friends, either.