Following Denver hockey’s dramatic 4-3 double overtime win against Michigan at the Frozen Four, the Denver police substation at 1625 South University and the City of Denver Fire Chief, Desmond Fulton, issued a joint press release:

“We are asking residents of the University Park neighborhood to secure all couches before Saturday’s Frozen Four final. Homeowners and renters are encouraged to remove sofas from front porches, garages, truck beds, and lawns immediately.”

“Public safety counselors are available to intervene if you have a vulnerable friend, family member, or acquaintance who is prone to identify, secure, transport, and/or ignite sofas in public places.”

“While inhaling flaming couch foam and naugahyde is not technically illegal in the City of Denver (and encouraged by many), the City will provide a social services unit to distribute free vape pens and fidget toys at High Street and Evans to mitigate cravings and redirect impulses to incinerate furniture.”

“The DU administration is cooperating fully with this effort and is offering free post-game events at Gates Fieldhouse to include twister, cornhole, a treasure hunt, and musical chairs.”