CC Named Most Unhealthy College in America

Their recruitment brochure sounds an idyllic call to potential students, “nestled at the intersection of nature’s call and urban sprawl. Care to pack into the Rocky Mountains … for your class? Whoa. I actually live here.”

However, in a newly released study by The College Report, Colorado College was named ‘the most unhealthy college in America’. The exposé  points out an unhealthy environment at the liberal arts institution located in Colorado Springs, Colorado which is mostly to blame. 

While many risks were identified, the greatest were thought to include:

  • Kiln explosions.
  • Skinny jeans, worn by ‘hipster’ university males, resulting in a campus-wide epidemic of dyspermia.
  • Vegetarian students with critically low levels of vitamins B-12, zinc, and iron resulting in anemia and a host of digestive disorders.
  • Community garden hazards include bee stings, strained backs, sunburn, pesticide inhalation, and improper auger use have resulted in illness, injury and disfigurement.
  • Inclusiveness Displacement Disorder (IDD) The act of ‘friendship’ is seen by most CC students as unfairly valuing one individual over another and exclusionary – leaving students isolated with large social networks devoid of actual ‘friends’.

No Friends

Photo: This poster hangs in a freshman dorm and reinforces the “no friends” focus at Colorado College.

The article grimly concludes there are no “quick fixes” to the inherent health risks facing Colorado College students.