Satire

Top 5 Things to do with an Online Grand Canyon University Degree

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While figures vary by institution, US News claims that only 17% of online students actually finish their bachelor degrees, Grand Canyon University – Denver men’s soccer’s first-round opponent in the NCAA Tournament – publishes a claim that 65% of their online students graduate. A cynic might call this a ‘diploma mill’.

Below, we have listed the top 5 uses of a GCU ‘online’ degree:

A GCU marketing degree can be used to secure jobs.
A paperclip is the only thing separating graduates from entering the Aerospace field.
…Graduates can move from the theoretical to practical with a Communications Degree
Shimming an uneven, wonky table is a practical application of a GCU Online Engineering Degree.
Use a Grand Canyon Education Degree to demonstrate expertise in Early Childhood Development skills.

Denver plays a very good Grand Canyon University soccer team tonight in Phoenix at 7:00 pm MT.

(Editors note: This satire is aimed at GCU online education, not student-athletes who we assume are getting real book learnin’.)

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