Category Archives: Satire

Tips & Tricks For San Diego to Manage Coming Colorado Arctic Blast

The University of San Diego men’s soccer is traveling to Pioneer Field Thursday for a 2:00 pm MT first-round NCAA Tournament match. The City of Denver is expecting a high of 30 degrees and a 60% chance of snow.  And San Diego? 72 degrees on Thursday and partly cloudy. Here are a few tips for managing the cold… Continue reading Tips & Tricks For San Diego to Manage Coming Colorado Arctic Blast

North Dakota Seeks Inspiration from Early Season Defeats

The Fighting Hawks were at an emotional low several weeks ago after falling to Arizona State at the US Hockey Hall of Fame Game, 3-2. The loss dropped UND to a 3-3-1 record. North Dakota hockey insiders agreed, a change was needed. “We’ve taken on a new persona,” stated head coach  Brad Berry following the painful defeat. “We are now calling this season our Special On-Ice Operation. Continue reading North Dakota Seeks Inspiration from Early Season Defeats

Mavs Look to Outdraw Cornhuskers vs Denver

Denver men’s soccer face Omaha in an early conference showdown on Saturday, October 1st at Caniglia Field, home of the Mavericks. Omaha is promoting the match against a key rival in an effort to outdraw the neighboring Nebraska Cornhusker football program that face Illinois at 85,465 seat Memorial Stadium in Lincoln, Nebraska the night before. Continue reading Mavs Look to Outdraw Cornhuskers vs Denver

Commemorative DU Hockey Jerseys Take New York Fashion Week by Storm

While most of the nation’s sports fans were focused on the start of the NFL season, Denver hockey fans were riveted by New York Fashion Week. The most “fall” thing about the NYFW runways is the sheer dominance of crimson and gold. Sure, there are shearling and suede nods to chilly weather elegance, but it’s the playful embellishments — the bows, the crystals, the jersey collar laces — and the vibrant colors that were the fab takeaways from New York this season. It was the splash from the Denver commemorative hockey jersey that stole the show, featuring their ninth national championship collection on the New York City runway. Continue reading Commemorative DU Hockey Jerseys Take New York Fashion Week by Storm

Local Boy Stripped of Scoring Title

A Denver area Squirt youth hockey player, Bert Grossmeier, was stripped of his scoring record due to an equipment violation. Grossmeier skated for the Evergreen Warriors. Bert scored a record-breaking 12 goals in the 2nd period against the Loveland Ice Caps on May 22nd, erasing the national mark of 10 goals by a squirt player in a single period. However, Grossmeier took to the ice wearing a Denver Commemorative Championship Boone Jersey during his epic scoring spree, refusing to don his team’s kit. As a result, the Squirt scoring record was stripped by the USA Hockey governing board. Continue reading Local Boy Stripped of Scoring Title

Kim Kardashian Shocks Fashionistas with Commemorative DU Jersey

Kim Kardashian, a socialite, model, media personality, and businesswoman brought the Instagram world to a buzz with a recent photo. The photo, taken with her new boyfriend Pete Davidson, featured a partial view of a hockey sweater with little clue to its origin. A number of internet forensic sleuths used reverse internet photo searches and believe it is reasonable to conclude that Ms. Kardashian was wearing the new hockey jersey, commemorating the Denver Pioneers’ ninth NCAA national championship. Continue reading Kim Kardashian Shocks Fashionistas with Commemorative DU Jersey

Police on the Lookout for Stolen Hobey Baker

Denver Police are said to be on the lookout for drug cheating Minnesota State goaltender Dryden MacKay who stole the Hobey Baker Award from former University of Denver forward Bobby Brink.

Pawnshops have been put on alert for the collegiate hockey trophy. Photo: Jim Rosvold

McKay, 24, is a  5’11” and 174 lbs. with sandy red hair and is said to be driving a vehicle with Illinois plates. McKay recently played his final collegiate game on April 9th when Minnesota State lost 5-1 to the Denver Pioneers in the Frozen Four national title game.

MacKay tested positive for ostarine, a muscle growth drug banned under the USADA Protocol for Olympic and Paralympic Movement Testing, the U.S. Olympic & Paralympic Committee National Anti-Doping Policy and the International Ice Hockey Federation Anti-Doping Regulations.

Apparently, the drugs wore off five minutes into the third period and, within seconds, DU alternate captain Ryan Barrow stuffed a rebound through McKay’s legs. That tied the game, 1-1. After that, McKay couldn’t stop a beachball.