Amherst – The Most Boring town in America

Nicknamed  ‘the city that interesting forgot’, Amherst, home to UMass-Amherst and the destination of DU hockey’s first road trip this season, has been named the most boring town in America, according to SmarterTraveler.

Littered with donut shops and drab cement campus buildings, the town is reminiscent of post-World War II Dresden – after the allied bombing. Highlights include foraging for mushrooms in the fall, visiting interstate outlet malls, and longing for the days when distant relatives felled the Redcoats with musket balls.

The quest for fungi creates a frenzy in the fall around Amherst

Before you plan your trip, remember that you will need a car. While the town is walkable, you must plot a rapid escape route to seek anything close to resembling fun or interesting. The culture lacks dynamism when compared to charismatic Boston to the east. This likely explains winter on the UMass-Amherst campus, where students exit their concrete bunkers of 1970s brutalist architecture, looking like ghouls as they shuffle miserably to and from classes.

Thirty minutes south of Amherst is ‘the honey hole’ with more than 11 shopping malls that are weekend date destinations.

UMass-Amherst (don’t say Amherst) has joined the collegiate holy trinity dedicated to hubris – The ‘U’ (Miami), THE Ohio State University, and WE ARE! (Penn State). Locals spend hours denying their geographical location, scrubbing ‘Amherst’ from their title to cost-justify spending four years in the woods at THE ‘flagship university.’

Or, if faculty drama is more your speed, you just might want to read SmarterTraveler: “Just visit a local coffee shop for proof and listen to pseudo-pop academics as they pepper up their boring universe with talk about black hole evaporation, wormholes, and parallel universes. All of this to escape the hum-drum of Western Massachusetts and provide a dopamine boost to their staid and drab surroundings.”

The most ironic twist is applying the Massachusetts tourist slogan to Amherst – “It’s All Here”.

If so, where did it go?

DU hockey travels to UMass-Amherst to play the Minutemen on October 14th and 15th in what is certain to be the fall highlight in Western Massachusetts. Both games will be available to stream with an ESPN+ subscription.



10 thoughts on “Amherst – The Most Boring town in America”

  1. Foraging for mushrooms is cool. The rest of Amherst doesn’t sound that great, but I haven’t been, so I can’t say!

  2. In today’s murderous/corrupt world a little “boring” suits me just fine and no matter what it’s not going to determine the result of a hockey game . . . get over it!

  3. Actually if you want to tick us off, say UMass-Amherst. The hyphen Amherst bit is guaranteed to make some cough up hairballs with a chance of exploding heads.

  4. University of Denver…for kids whose mommy and daddy have enough money to send them, but are too stupid to get into Colorado College

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