LetsGoDU has released its 19th annual hockey Super-Poll™ for the 2023-24 season. A host of statistics are fed into the supercomputer at Goddard Computing Center in Houston. The program runs ten thousand Monte Carlo simulations and securely delivers preliminary projections to ChatGPT AI headquarters in New York. The ranking methodology then places the Pioneers in their rightful place at the top and Colorado College at the bottom. The results are then tabulated by Deloitte, hermetically sealed, and sent to Denver via courier to reveal the projections. For the nineteenth consecutive season, DU claims the top spot.
#64. Colorado College – Robson Arena is no longer new – nor are the excuses for the Tigers as they cough up a furball of a 2023-24 season.
#10. Ohio State – A buckeye is a nut that is inedible and can be toxic if eaten. Just like a hockey Buckeye, don’t swallow the hype on The Ohio State University. They barely crack the LetsGoDU Top 10
#9. Minnesota – The hosts of this season’s 2024 Frozen Four will be up north taking an axe to ice and jigging for Walleye when the puck drops in St. Paul. Add 1-800-U-GOPHER to speed dial when they make their playoff exit ticket dump.
#8. Boston University – Fielding a trio of players named ‘Gallagher, Webber & Kaplan’, they have a fine season but make a better law firm than linemates.
#7. Penn State – Their uniforms come straight out of a box – so does their on-ice game. Their play is efficient but has all the panache of a Bill Belichick press conference.
#6. Quinnipiac – The defending national champion Bobcats play a solid regular season slate but QU gets KO’ed in the regionals.
#5. Minnesota State – The Mavs share the town of Mankato with Happy Chef restaurant. Once a large midwestern chain, only one store survives. The 36′ tall Happy Chef will be holding his spoon well after the boys of winter store their twigs.
#4. Cornell – Henry Heimlich, inventor of the Heimlich maneuver, graduated from Cornell. Too bad Henry can’t keep Big Red from choking when it really counts.
#3. Harvard University – Jay Stickney’s fallback school will make a Frozen Four appearance. But, only one Crimson team is destined for the top spot.
#2. Michigan – Their fight song ends, “Hail, Hail to Michigan, the champions of the West!” Well, yes the champion hails from the west – Michigan is not the west.
#1. Denver – With ten freshmen, David Carle may need to add a changing table to the DU bench. Despite the youth, the DU diaper line will be schooling the rest of the NCAA by the end of the season to win their record 10th Natty. Their quest for their NCAA-best 10th national title gets underway in about two weeks when they travel to Fairbanks to take on the Alaska Nanooks on October 7th & 8th.