Panthers, spiders, and snakes – oh my!

Jim Montgomery met with the Florida Panthers on Monday. While the meeting was held privately, here is our take on the interview between Dale Tallon (DT), GM Florida Panthers and DU head coach Jim Montgomery (JM).

9:10 am – Undisclosed Hotel – Sunrise, Florida

DT: Big Jim – Welcome to the land of gators and fire ants.

JM: Yeah nice…the kids are enjoying it here. They had never seen Kudzu.

DT: It’s a great place, Jim. The homes are nice – just make sure you get one built to withstand tropical storms and hurricanes. Mold can be bad, too. Kids have asthma?

JM: Uh, thankfully, no.

So Dale, what happened to former head coach Gerard Gallant? I saw photos of him hailing his own cab in Raleigh, North Carolina, after being taken off the team bus and told he was fired.

DT: I know this is off topic, Jimbo – Dania Beach is for old people – don’t stand on a street corner there or a blue hair may take you out at the knees. Now, Fort Lauderdale is where you can get lucky (wink).  Get it?

JM: Thanks, Dale. But you never answered…

DT: Back to Gerard, well, he just got his travel per diem that day, so he was flush. Probably had money left to tip the cabbie!

JM: Well, Gerard Gallant led the Panthers to a franchise-record 103 points and an Atlantic Division title last season – and he was nominated for the Jack Adams Award and then, fired just 22 games into this season — with a 500 record and key injuries.

DT: Frankly, Gerard just wasn’t into metrics and analytics – it’s all a numbers game today, Jimmy. What’s 18 times 36?

JM: Off my head…Uh, 648.

DT: Multiply that by two and add three zeroes – you hit the jackpot. Those are metrics you gotta’ love Jimbo.

JM: What do you mean?

DT: The dough – that’s what you get here, Jimmy boy – each year for the next three years. But you need to accept it now and get moved. Did you know the sand temperature in the summer is the temperature of the surface of the sun – the kiddos gotta’ build up some calluses.  And, don’t believe the stories – Burmese pythons. Giant African snails. Rats the size of dogs. You have a dog? Don’t leave him unattended. Anyway, the little troopers will love it here – just keep an eye on ’em. And no state income taxes!

JM: So, Dale, you told me about the positives. Honestly, what are the negatives?

DT: Well, the rich folks are on the water and the poor are everybody else. Then, there is low spending for public schools and libraries, unmet job and social welfare needs, high home foreclosure rates, poor emergency medical care and a soaring crime rate. Oh, and skin cancer. Other than that, Jimmy, smooth as silk and a great place for family.

JM: So what about the team, Dale.

DT: Loaded with Canadians Jimmy – 13 in all. Figured you would be the perfect guy to get through their maple syrup skulls. You know, takes one to know one – don’t take that personally Jimbo! When we bring them down here – they think Tim Hortons is fine dining.

JM: I need to talk with my wife, Emily.

DT: Don’t take too much time – the phone’s ringing off the hook. Sure you don’t want to head up to Lauderdale for a drink?

JM: Gotta run.

Exit Hotel – 9:23 am

12 thoughts on “Panthers, spiders, and snakes – oh my!”

  1. Ugh. Dale Tallon.

    Tallon is and always has been a world-class meddler. Plus, he’s an arrogant ass.

    If I were advising Monty, I’d suggest that he call former Pioneer forward and Panthers’ bench boss Kevin Dineen and ask him about working for Tallon.

    I agree that Coach Montgomery is probably destined to wind up behind an NHL bench in the not-too-distant future. However, my sincere hope is that he’ll have the opportunity to do it WITHOUT tying his future as an NHL coach to the mess that is the Florida Panthers…and their douchenozzle of a GM…

    Liked by 2 people

  2. It is an NHL Club loaded with young talent that Monty could relate to. I love the parody of the conversation, but the NHL is the show. If Monty is smart, he will look back and say 4 years, USHL Championship, 4 Years, NCAA Championship, 4 Years in the NHL……………….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree Pioneer ’87. There is little doubt that Montgomery is going to the NHL. The question is about the Panthers culture. Are there better future opportunities without some of the organizational baggage? They do have a solid roster – but not great. It should be an interesting month or so…

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  3. Jackie Parker of BU danced with the Bruins after a national championship, got cold feet and until he retired the NHL never called again. Once you get in to the NHL coaching fraternity, you are a made man. I agree Florida is a tad FUBAR, but it is the show.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. If you ask Jackie Parker, he has no regrets about not coaching in the NHL. He turned down three pro coaching jobs, including the Bruins twice (1991, 1997). He had a legendary coaching career molding young men at BU, winning NCAA titles, coaching in international events, and still made plenty of money over the years to enjoy his boat.

    The only coaches to jump from coaching college hockey directly to the NHL as head coaches are Ned Harkness, Badger Bob Johnson and Dave Hakstol. Other NCAA head coaches got to be NHL head coaches by going through the minors or Olympics, including Herb Brooks and Jeff Blashill. Of course, there are also NHL head coaches that found their way to the NCAA later, including Red Berenson, Tony Granato and Andy Murray.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Puck Swami – Very impressed with your puck knowledge. As I see it, what is the upside of Monty staying. Horror show or not, the NHL is a small fraternity that is hard to get into as a coach. We’ll see, but ownership in Florida with their West Point roots will remove obstacles from the new coachs path and create a culture of ownership.

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  6. So much silence on Montgomery lately! Perhaps people are afraid to speculate? The only two items, in terms of updates, that I have seen, are Monty’s recent tweet about starting to build at DU for next year. I think I also read an article that said that Florida in no rush to hire, and that there may be no decision until June? Seems that both of those things would be in favor of Montgomery staying at DU. Just kind of weird that things have gone so silent on the topic. Perhaps no one knows diddly about it, except Monty and the flight-risk players on the DU team.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree, Someone. Every other coaching search I have seen, despite management claims, sees a hot candidate hired almost the same day they are interviewed. Waiting a month to hire an interviewee does not speak to confidence. Plus, based on the Panthers track record, they may not feel comfortable hiring a college coach and lose even more credibility if he does not achieve almost immediate success. I agree with you about the tweet and the timing – Montgomery will be back for at least another year. Plus, he knows the Pioneers are loaded going into next year. He is going to get other opportunities – and who knows, if could be the Avs.

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  7. Excuse me, the name is “Anonymous.” Ha ha. Anyway, I hope you are correct. Honestly, at this point I’m just hoping that Montgomery coaches for one more year at DU. I think he “owes” his players at least one more year, especially those 3 that would be well-served by another year in college with the same coach at the helm. Plus, the team would be perfectly positioned to contend again if he returns. If you have the chance to extend the DU tradition of back-to-back titles, you gotta go for it. It would also be nice if DU had another year to think about potential replacements for Montgomery.

    Or who knows…maybe DU is working on some kind of new contract to lock in Montgomery for a longer time? I doubt it, but we’ll see what happens. I’m just hoping for one more year, anything else would be gravy.

    Liked by 1 person

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